This sermon is from the Rev. Charles G. Dennison sermon archive, part of the “Jesus and the Law” series, and was preached at Grace Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Sewickley, PA, during a worship service on Sunday, July 27, 1986.

Our scripture reading this morning is from Ephesians, chapter 5. We are looking at verse 22 and reading through chapter 6, verse 4. This is Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 22: “Submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that he might present it to himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord cherishes the Church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, that I speak concerning Christ and the Church.

Nevertheless, let every one of you, in particular, love his wife as himself, and let the wife respect her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. To this day, our Father, as we are gathered here, direct our thoughts, Lord. May we perceive the mysteries revealed by You and understand our own lives in light of those mysteries. We pray, our Father, that we, blessed by Your Spirit, may not be hard-hearted. Rather, may we have hearts that are flexible and open to Your word, determined to please You. For Jesus’ sake, amen.

This morning, we take a brief detour from our direct consideration of the commandments. We do this in order to complete a thought that has been raised by the fifth commandment—“Honor your father and your mother.” You will note that this thought, in its full form, appears to us in this passage from Ephesians, the passage we have been using in connection with our study of the Fifth Commandment. You will notice the progression after Paul quotes that Fifth Commandment.

In verses 2 and 3 of the sixth chapter in Ephesians, he continues in verse 4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The initial part of Ephesians 6, verses 1 to 3, is a commandment directed toward parents and those in authority.

In other words, the movement in this passage is from the children to the parents. Honor your father and mother. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. This is right. But in verse 4, that movement is reversed. Now the direction is from the father or the parents to the children. We have already considered the initial proposition. This morning we want to consider the latter dimension of this passage: the movement from parents to children, specifically in the matter of child-rearing.

I must be a fool to address that topic. About twelve or fifteen years ago, the Christian community as a whole was experiencing uncertainty. It moved from the teachings of J. Adams to the Gothard seminars to Dr. Dawson, seeking answers amid confusion. Today it seems that all of those insecurities have disappeared. Child-rearing is once more regarded as a private matter.

And woe to the person who dares to enter the private sphere of another family’s children. To raise objections, make comments, or offer observations and insights—woe to that pastor. Woe to those elders who dare to speak or make a point.

I am no more impressed with the current attitude of parental overprotection than I was with the anxiety and distress of parents a decade ago. I am just cynical enough to believe that the desperation of the early seventies stemmed from the social upheavals of that time. Likewise, the calm defensiveness seen in parents today is equally shaped by our present social climate. Times have changed, haven’t they?

We are no longer worried about whether our children will run away and join a strange group or become a source of shame in many other ways, including abandoning the faith. Now we are more concerned about what they wear and how they appear. We are more concerned about how successful they will be and how much money they will earn. You see, fashions change, and trends come and go. Unfortunately, the Church, and many within the Church—including pastors and counselors—are too willing and ready to follow these trends and fashions.

Your pastor, however, may respond with a look of surprise, saying, “Oh really?” When he encounters, by way of example, your words or your approach to child rearing, which reflects current trends. The apostle Paul would likely have done the same thing with the parents in the Ephesian church, for their good and for their instruction. It cannot be otherwise for me. In Paul’s time, the people of the Greco-Roman world, within that society, were deeply influenced by the customs and practices of their time.

At that time, a widely accepted practice was what the Germans called the Haushalts. Translated, this means a table of household rules. These were detailed lists of social expectations. Rules for wives, rules for husbands, rules for children and parents, rules for slaves and servants, and rules for masters as well. These were comprehensive lists outlining household duties. Among these duties were instructions for raising children.

When Paul addressed the church in Ephesus, it seems very likely that he used these common household tables as a framework or contrast. He spoke to wives, to husbands, to children and parents, and to slaves, servants, and their masters.

But take note of his address. Please, consider these words not as therapeutic, but as the message itself. For in this, what Paul lays before us and before the Ephesians, there is liberty at hand. And that liberty the apostle will not compromise. It is a liberty to be found in the Lord, and the Lord is the one who steps forward, having priority, preeminence.

Notice, will you, how brief Paul’s comments are. Not tracks, not volumes, not manuals with appropriate indices and cross-references. Not a large book to be carried around, requiring you to check chapter and verse to find out what to do in this situation, or to set aside. Notice how brief and compact his comments are. His brevity in itself is an answer to the Greco-Roman style of lengthy writing and elaborate expression. His objective is to call attention to the simple, unencumbered directive from the Lord.

And that directive stands in opposition to the household code, the table of household rules. A system that had long-standing popularity in the middle of the first century. At the heart of Paul’s response is not simply a reaction to a current Roman trend. His objective is to place the divine word in opposition to human tradition. The eternal word in opposition to that word which fades like a flower in the changing moods of society.

Therefore, when Paul speaks, he does not offer a prescriptive list, nor does he provide a sophisticated system guaranteed to produce model citizens or model children. Rather, he places before the Ephesians and before us a near-state designed to prompt us to explore it and to delight in its depths. Within his words there is a reminder for those with discernment and a tender heart that God himself stands directly in the center of these social, communal, and familial relationships. I do not think that I have to survey what he says about wives and husbands in this regard.

His approach to that subject is this: if by looking at the relationship between a husband and a wife, you can see in that an allegory describing the relationship between Christ and the Church, is it any different when he deals with masters and slaves? Read those verses after the fourth verse in Ephesians 6. Consider how prominent the person of the Lord is in those verses.

And it is no different, you see, when Paul addresses the issue of children and parents. At the center of it is the person of God and the relationship that he maintains with his own. Paul’s directive in verse 4, that fathers not provoke their children to anger, is truly a reflection of the Father in heaven. Behind these earthly fathers stands the Father in heaven. The issue is imitation—not through distant observation, but through intimate communion. The Heavenly Father, intimately connected to his children, becomes the model for the relationship between fathers and their children.

Perhaps that is why the statement is so brief. It is not something upon which one should spend much time reflecting. The impulse comes naturally, as naturally as it flows from God. It becomes part of one’s nature, such is the character of the intimate relationship that is sustained.

What have we done to ourselves? Ten or twelve years ago, we were going to the corner Christian bookstore and buying many books on parenting, telling, in our insecurity, how to raise our children. Now, no one can tell us anything. We have ruined ourselves by this. We have moved from insecurity to overconfidence, and then to isolation—separating ourselves from that which was intended to help and encourage.

And here it is. The simplicity of it all. At the center of the relationship is God with His children. The intimacy that exists there is of such a nature that it seems to happen naturally. You do not need to think about being a follower. You simply are one, living in accordance with the intimacy found between God and His Church. Do not provoke your children to anger. You might expect that the apostles would have much more to say about this matter. Do not provoke your children to anger.

What is He emphasizing? Continuing, He speaks of raising them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Once more, behind the apostles’ words lies a reality that is true, profound, and deeply meaningful.

Consider the Father in heaven, not provoking His children to anger. Even better, consider the intimate relationship that exists between the Father and the Son. The discipline and instruction given by the Father for the sake of the Son, yet the Father in heaven does not provoke the Son to anger. How is this possible? Because the Father makes a promise and keeps His word.

The frustration that arises in a child, the anger provoked within the child, truly comes from the child reaching a point where he can no longer trust the parent. Or the child has learned so well how to manipulate the parent that he knows exactly how to exploit the parent’s weaknesses. Do not underestimate the ability of a three-year-old to do this. Must we wait until this happens? The son, then, receives the reward and the inheritance promised, through discipline and admonition from his father. This is the pattern and the model for how we should treat our children.

And not as if the whole arrangement is something distant. It is something that surrounds you. It is something that takes you into its presence. Therefore, it is not the result of extensive reflection, but rather the result of simple living in Christ. Simple living in Christ. Brief, compact, and clear. Standing against the fads and trends of the age, the eternal word that rests upon eternal truths revealed in the Father, and specifically in the Father’s relationship to the Son of God.

Let us rejoice in this kind of freedom. Let us not be proud, hostile, or sullen. Let us not be arrogant or indifferent. Let us not follow every passing desire or trend. Let us hold fast to the word, the beautiful and simple instruction given to us by our God through the Apostle, reflecting the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Our Father, may the words of the Apostle be an encouragement to us, a true help, a wonderful help, a blessing.

May it be so in its simplicity and brevity, and also because the death of Christ is present for us. May we rejoice in the riches of our God. May we rejoice in the riches of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Help us, Lord, to walk in humility and speak in kindness. Father, may we be a delight to one another as we help each other. And Lord, may it be true of us that a wonderful intimacy between us and our children is recognized and seen as natural in Christ, because behind it, around it, and through it is the grand and glorious communion that our God maintains with His children and with His own Son. We pray this now in Christ’s name. We come to the table this morning, singing together in 222. 222.

The sermon text provided above is derived from the sermon audio recording making use of generative tools. It has not been manually edited. While transcription tools have a high degree of accuracy, the output may include generative textual, punctuation, and/or formatting errors.